Among the books on sexual relations that I have read, the most impressive one is David DeAngelo’s famous saying: “Attraction is not a choice.”
The meaning of this sentence is:
Women will be reflexively attracted to certain traits, signals, physiological characteristics, etc. of men.
This kind of attraction is not a conscious choice of women, but a biological evolutionary mechanism that makes their attraction switch automatically "turned on" by these male traits - women can't help but be attracted to you and are not subjective. controlled by consciousness.
The importance of attraction in our interactions with women can be said to be self-evident. What we have to do is to find out what exactly attracts women and understand how it works. rules.
By following these things, you can spend some quality time with our beloved girl.
Mi Nan said: "Only value will generate attraction."
And Swinggcat said: "Establish Prizes will attract women. "
In fact, what they said is basically the same. I will summarize it myself: "Characteristics are what attracts women."
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According to Mr. Deyu’s many years of experience in gender relations, if we look at quality in addition to material conditions and appearance conditions, and if we only choose one, the most attractive trait for women must be self-confidence.
What does self-confidence look like in interpersonal communication?
It means “not timid, not afraid, and don’t care”:
Not timid when facing unfamiliar environments; Don’t be afraid of difficulties in life; don’t be afraid of self-deficiencies.
If a boy can show his confidence in the following dimensions, he will surely impress girls.
1. Confidence in facing the opposite sex
Many boys see exquisite and fashionable clothes and are over 175cm tall. , a girl with a strong aura who drives a sports car and lives in a mansion instantly becomes intimidated.
The demeanor began to become unnatural: the eyes were evasive and wandering, the body language became stiff, there were more small movements, and some vague and strange words were said.
These exquisite girls generally have very high social intuition, and they can understand your guilty conscience just by looking at you.
Although you remain calm, in her heart you have most likely been passed.
Because when we face a person of the opposite sex we are not familiar with, we are always preoccupied and think that the other person is an equal to ourselves. Your lack of confidence will destroy this sense of balance.
To put it bluntly, it means making the other person think you are low.
2. Confidence in facing unfamiliar environments
The meaning of this environment is relatively broad, including life scenes, Work scenes, entertainment scenes, etc.
Then ask yourself deep down in your heart:
Can you walk into an environment that you have never been exposed to before, and be able to behave completely calmly, confidently, and without artificiality?
Or imagine that a boy from a small county walks into the presidential suite of a five-star hotel for the first time;
A girl who usually wears Taobao hot styles walks into it for the first time. Luxury store;
Or maybe a boy who usually only relies on Shaxian County to fill his stomach steps into a Michelin restaurant with thousands of Michelins per capita for the first time.
Normal people will hesitate or feel uncomfortable when facing unfamiliar environments, but confident men will not.
This kind of self-confidence in facing unfamiliar environments is a great reassurance to those around you, and it means that you are a reliable man who can be relied on.
3. Attitude when facing external obstacles and attacks
This concept will be broader. Generally speaking, it refers to pressure and attacks from the outside world.
For example, it can be as small as a taunt from others, or as big as being fired from the company, failing to start a business, or being in trouble in life, etc.
Like I said, self-confidence is always something that gives people a sense of security. It feels very comfortable to be with someone who feels secure.
We always follow those who look confident. When we go out for a party, we always follow the leader, even if he leads the wrong way.
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Imagine a scene like this:
Several friends who are not very familiar with each other form a bureau, there are men and women, and one of them is not familiar with them. For a boy who loves to talk too much, someone with a low emotional intelligence makes fun of him casually: "So and so, why is he so talkative? Is it because there are too many beautiful girls? ”
At this time, boys may have three different answers:
1. Look up and smile: "Yeah, I'm just embarrassed to face girls."
2. Waved his hands hurriedly: "No, no, I'm not in a good state today."
3. Angry from shame : "None of your business!"
Which response do you think is better?
1 is indifference, 2 is explanation, and 3 is anger.
Judging from the scene of this party:
1 is more appropriate and can be experiencedThe underlying meaning of showing a confident attitude is: Yes, that's what I am, what's the problem?
2. It is explaining. Only people with low status will explain to others.
3 is even more inappropriate. Irritability is an extremely bad quality. No girl will choose to be with a boy who cannot control his emotions.
If you can do these three things, you can be said to be a very confident person, but just having self-confidence is not enough. A mature man must also have sufficient leadership and social skills.
Strong social skills are a typical plus point in the relationship between the sexes.
Westerners (especially Americans) like to emphasize the concept of an alpha male, which means a male leader in a group who is aggressive and energetic. The typical example is Trump.
In Western social evaluation standards, such men are generally considered very attractive.
Teacher Deyu feels that although there is no alpha male in Chinese social culture as defined by Westerners;
But the organizer and leader of a group and the initiator of social activities , an advocate of behavior, can indeed attract more girls’ attention and arouse good feelings in real life.
Girls usually think that a man who has many friends, likes to socialize, and is very easy-going is more attractive.
There are many such examples around us, including instructors in military training in universities, superiors at work, teachers in schools, and there are many subordinates of the opposite sex who make secret glances at them.
So, how do ordinary people become leaders in small circles?
Teacher Deyu summarized some common characteristics of alpha males for your reference.
1. Act like a leader in every group. People tend to surround him, obey his opinions, and even consciously carry out his orders, although no one may have ever given him authority.
2. When walking side by side with other people, he is always the one in the middle. People are used to walking on both sides of him, although no one may ever notice.
3. He can easily influence the people around him. He hopes that others will agree with his ideas and participate in his plans. He can often dominate a conversation, whether it is a formal discussion or a casual chat at the dinner table.
4. He is willing to take the initiative to take responsibility. He likes to say: I can do it, I will do it, I will. He never lacked self-confidence, even if it sometimes swelled to the point of arrogance. He has a high frame and a high profile, and can take the initiative to dominate everything.
5. He spoke in a low voice and tried not to weaken his frame by talking too fast out of excitement. Compared to normal men, he hasHave a higher frequency of positive body language. (For example: low-frequency arms crossed, high-frequency palms pointing up, and unconscious hands standing on the waist), he is used to looking down or looking directly into the other person's eyes when talking, no matter how tall he is, his waist Always straight.
Confidence, leadership and social skills can be said to be the three most important parts of building personal charm. Most of the other excellent ones Quality is often an extension of these three parts.
Some friends may point out that the training of these qualities requires a lot of time and energy. What should I do if I don’t have that much effort?
What Instructor Deyu wants to say is:
If you have the idea of ??changing yourself in your heart anytime and anywhere, then you are not far from success.
We can think about how to be more generous and natural when talking to colleagues at work, what tone of voice should be used, and how loud the volume should be;
When going to the supermarket to buy things When you go to school, should you chat more with your boss and joke around?
When you see people you know, you used to avoid them, but now you should go up and say hello with a smile;
When others bully you, do you have to have your own principles, fight back, etc.
Thinking about these trivial things in life can prompt you to change.
Change a little bit each time until it becomes a lifestyle habit and a part of yourself. At this time you have transformed.
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