A friend and his girlfriend have been in a relationship for two years. They originally wanted to get married, but the longer they stayed together, the more they quarreled. My friend had been hurt by a scumbag ex before and had always been insecure about relationships. Therefore, from the beginning, when my friend got along with his girlfriend, he was in a controlling state.
If you don’t get the sense of security from your ex, you want to get it from your current one.
If your girlfriend goes out, you must report it in advance.
Strictly stick to your girlfriend’s commuting time. Once she gets home late, she will be bombarded with text messages and phone calls.
When his girlfriend got a little impatient, he began to question her. At this point, many people should be able to guess the ending. His girlfriend is not an ignorant puppet. Under her friend's immature view of love, her girlfriend finally broke up with her.
1: Performance of low-level love
A mature view of love can allow us to obtain a better emotional experience , similarly, an immature view of love will also be the beginning of an unfortunate relationship.
As a friend of mine, I actually want to get something from the other person that I don’t have. I believe many people have had a similar mentality.
Those who have no money want to find a rich man.
I don’t feel safe, so I want to find someone who feels safe.
I am more willful and want to find someone who can tolerate me.
If you want to get it from your partner because you don’t have or lack these things, that would be too utilitarian.
Two: Performance of mature love
For people with this kind of thinking, you love the other person more than you love the other person. Most of them think about how to make the other person love themselves.
True mature love:
You should not let yourself be immersed in the ideals you have woven. In reality, none of us can obtain absolute ideal love. This kind of persistent selfishness makes you lose the love that should belong to you.
Of course, in addition to this mentality, many people will actually transform each other through disputes and oppression to meet their own expectations.
Compared with blindly asking for it, this kind of almost perfect expectation will make the relationship more difficult. There is a saying, "It is easy to change the situation, but it is hard to change the nature."
Everyone’s personality, temper, and habits cannot be changed at will. If you feel that the other person is not doing well enough, then you should also look at what standards you have set.
Life is not an idol drama, there are not so many ideal and romantic plots.
If your expectations for love are too high, disappointment is inevitable. At this time, some people will have the idea of ????changing the other person. This inappropriate change is accompanied byFighting and resisting.
Three: Change just consumes emotions
In fact, you can’t change anyone, everything is based on Changes that go against one's own will consume each other's feelings.
Moreover, your changes are nominally to improve each other's feelings, but in fact, they are to satisfy your own selfish desires.
I don’t know if you have ever seen someone with a “love brain”:
When it comes to love, friends can ignore it, family members can ignore it, and they can even give up their jobs. Such people Always in a passive position emotionally.
Because your life is boring and you lack an independent spiritual world, you will put all your expectations on your lover and regard your lover as your savior.
Four: Love is not a moth flying into a flame, but two flowers blooming
Your thoughts on feelings Demands are often far higher than healthy standards, so that the other party cannot accept your excessive dependence.
After the expectations are frustrated, they will turn love into a kind of mutual torture through quarrels.
When love accounts for too large a proportion in your life, you can no longer find any more sources of happiness except love. This is a very sad and terrible thing.
A truly mature person will put love in an appropriate proportion. The only one who can save yourself is yourself. When you have a positive life trajectory, love will only make your life better.
If you can’t manage yourself well, you won’t be able to keep love no matter how good it is.
At the end of the article, I would like to summarize two points for you:
1. When falling in love, don’t hold the mentality that you lack something and then take it from the other person.
2. In love Don't hold on to the purpose of wanting to change the other person. All you can do is change yourself
The meaning of love is not to let you desperately find a perfect lover, but to let both parties run into each other and become the most suitable one. People, through love, see a better world and themselves.
