Many people’s love is not lost to a third party, nor to distance, but to themselves. A girl I know has been in love with her boyfriend for three years.

Finally, we broke up with you on my 30th birthday. The reason is that you are no longer what I liked at the beginning.

The girl grew up being pampered by her family. When she was looking for a boyfriend, her only requirement was to find someone who would treat her well and continue to pamper her.

Fortunately, she found him. Unfortunately, she relied too much on the other person and finally lost herself.

1: Case of over-paying

Ever since she fell in love, the girl has broken up with most of her friends. She contacted her simply because her boyfriend didn't like her friends.

In life, her boyfriend does take good care of her, but emotionally, she is completely obedient to your boyfriend.

Her boyfriend loves to play games, so the girl stays up all night with him to play games, just to establish a common topic with him. The other party likes a ladylike girl, so she gives up her casual and comfortable dress for him and changes to Suit.

Similarly, she will also ask her boyfriend to reply to messages immediately. If she doesn't video chat for a day, she would like to rush to the other person's house to see what her boyfriend is doing.

Two: Emotionally dependent

The longer she stays with her boyfriend, the more she changes for him. The control over her boyfriend becomes stronger.

In the end, her boyfriend was afraid that he wanted to escape from the relationship, so he broke up with her, and she began to beg for mercy and compromise. She tried various methods, but she still couldn't keep the other person's heart.

In fact, this girl is a typical "emotionally dependent person".

Sacrificing for love is not great, and changing for love is not very touching, when you bet your own happiness, and even your life, on another person.

In the end, your "self" will have left you, and the person you entrusted to your care will not be happy, he will only feel heavy.

And when you keep giving up your bottom line for the sake of love, and when you keep changing for love, and when you have to compromise at every turn, you will feel more and more depressed in your heart.

These feelings of depression will make you constantly control the other person to gain a sense of security, and your relationship will fall into a vicious cycle.

Three: Breakthrough methods for emotionally dependent people

Emotionally dependent people actually envy and long for those who are independent. , people who can come and go freely in relationships, but because they don’t feel safe enough, they ask for help from others.

Want to change this situation:

First, we must learn to delay satisfying our desires.

The second is to learn to accept your own insecurities and strengthen your inner world through self-growth.

Delaying gratification will make you slowly understand that there are more important and urgent things in this world than your requirements. Learn to understand and tolerate others, and control your own impulses.

Learn to consider issues from the other person’s perspective. You are not the center of his or her world, and he or she should not be your world. In addition to love, you should have more pursuits and a broader life. circle.

As for the second point, most emotionally dependent people find an emotional pillar in every interpersonal relationship and regard that person as their emotional support. But if you have been relying on others, you will never be able to growing up.

You dare not face your true self, let alone touch your inner wounds, but escaping and ignoring them will not solve the problem, and will only make your trauma deeper.

Four: Self-reliance and emotional independence

However, adults should be able to make free choices in the world, and have the ability to take responsibility for their own choices, and be self-reliant and emotionally independent. Don’t rely too much and don’t abandon yourself.

Although the moment the wound is opened will be painful, you will also get more happiness and joy after the injury heals.